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EvilGenius
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Post by EvilGenius »

From: Comics2Film Strip Club: Supernaut

People for the Ethical Treatment of Aquaman

Everyone's got a favorite superhero, and no one can really decide who's the best. It seems, however, that fans worldwide have decided who their least favorite hero is, and it always seems to be Aquaman.

Whether it's Entourage, a Saturday Night Live skit, somebody's message board, or Black Machismo's Gamma Blog right here on C2F, everybody wants to dog the King of the Seven Seas, and I'm here to put an end to it with the facts.

Fact One: Aquaman debuted in More Fun Comics #73 in 1941. First of all, he's been around long enough that you need to give him props. Second, the name of the book is More Fun. Not Less Fun or An Equal Amount of Fun, but More Fun. That right there tells you it's a quality book and a quality character.

Fact Two: He's a founding member of the Justice League of America. And they don't let just anybody in there. Except, of course, for the time when Aquaman was leading the JLA and they moved to Detroit and let Vibe, Gypsy, Vixen and Steel on the team. Which brings me to...

Fact Three: He led the JLA for a while. Granted, it was a shitty team and I think most of 'em died on his watch, but that does not negate the fact that the man was a leader of the greatest group of heroes ever assembled.

Fact Four: There's literally thousands of heroes keeping the surface world safe, yet only one man to protect the ocean. And the planet earth is 3/4 water! That's badass! You can not dispute that!

Fact Five: He's a king. Does Batman have a kingdom? Superman? I didn't think so.

Fact Six: Do you know how strong the pressure is at the bottom of the ocean? Aquaman swims in that shit! That's tough! I'm not a scientist, but I bet the pressure is strong enough to crush a tank, which means that if Aquaman can not only survive down there, but also swim, then he's strong enough to crush a tank as well. That's tough.

Fact Seven: He lost a hand... and then regrew it! Okay, I don't actually know that for a fact, because I don't actually read Aquaman (who does?) but I do know that he used to not have a hand, and now he has a hand.

Fact Eight: Prince Namor wears panties. At least Aquaman has the decency to put a pair of tights on. Also, remember that ocean-camouflage costume he wore for a while? Do not even try to tell me that wasn't sweet.

Fact Nine: If a hero can only be judged by his villains, then Aquaman is #1, because Black Manta is the shit!

Fact Ten: I'm actually kind of suprised I made it to fact nine...

In closing, I think that all the haters out there need to rethink their opinions on Aquaman, and give him the credit he deserves. You might think he is a joke, but he's an icon. Or, at least, an iconic joke. Next time you drunkenly fall off of a cruise ship, or are attacked by a giant squid, I bet you'll wish you hadn't given Aquaman so much crap over the years.
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